


Don't You Remember...?

by WolfyGirl328



Category: PewDiePie (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eww, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, This is old and bad and you should not read it, like seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 14:09:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4567458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyGirl328/pseuds/WolfyGirl328
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cry thinks back to when he first met Pewds and how over the years he realized that he was deeply in love with his best friend. When Pewds falls for a beautiful young girl named Marzia, how will this affect the two's relationship?<br/>(P.S. This is from like last year so my writing was (and still is) pretty crap, so please don't judge me :))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't You Remember...?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfiction so I hope you like it!!! Leave reviews if you'd like to! :3 (How did this get over 400 hits and around 30 kudos???)
> 
> !WARNING!  
> Depression and Major Character Death(s). Please do not read if this will trigger you.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the people in this story. Also, this is a fictional story and I am not trying to say that PewdieCry is real in any way. Thank you.

_****‘Don’t you remember?’_

_‘When we were both young…’_

“Welcome to your fourth grade classroom, Ryan!” My mom led me into my new school, I had just transferred from my old one because of… reasons I’d rather not think about again. The school seemed nice enough… Until… “Hey, look at the new kid!” “He looks so stupid!” “I wonder if they transferred him because he wasn’t good enough for his old school.” “Then why would he be here?” “I bet his parents had to beg the principle to let him come here!” All the kids laughed at me or made fun of me whenever they saw me. But that wasn’t even the worst part… “Hey idiot!” A boy said from behind me. “Turn around and face me!” I turned around and he punched me in the face, making me fall backwards. Tears sprang to my eyes. “Yeah, cry like the baby you are!” He yelled. I would have told my parents but he threatened me… Threatened to kill me if I told anyone. He had a _knife._ The same thing happened the day after that too. And after that. And after that… Soon it became a daily thing, more kids joining in every day. Some physically hurting me while the others cheered them on or verbally hurt me.

 

_‘You helped me when I needed it most…’_

I trembled as warm tears streamed down my face. I winced as I sat down, my bruised leg hurting even more than before. There were these guys that beat me up every day after school, ripping me apart piece by piece. Other kids saw but none were willing to help, instead they laughed at me. It made me feel worthless, like nobody cared about me. My sobs grew louder. I didn’t care if anyone heard anymore, it didn’t matter. No one would come see me anyways. “Hey!” I heard a voice. I jumped up and turned away from the voice, thinking it was one of the guys from before and getting ready to run as fast as I could. I quickly regretted it, hissing in pain as I put weight on my injured leg. “Are you okay?” The same voice asked, I heard footsteps coming in my direction. I quickly huddled into a ball and shut my eyes tightly. “P-please don’t hurt me…” I whimpered, my voice barely above a whisper. “Why would I try to hurt you? I’m going to _help_ you.” The voice assured me. I looked up at the boy standing in front of me. He had golden blonde hair and bright blue eyes. And though I’d never met him, or even seen him before, I had a gut feeling telling me to trust him.

 

‘ _We became instant friends…’_

 

The boy helped me, bandaging my wounds up with things from his house. “I’m Felix.” He told me letting me lean on his shoulder as he walked me home. “I’m R-Ryan.” I said quietly. “Nice to meet you Ryan!” Felix smiled brightly. “So, how did this happen to you?” “I-I can’t say…” I stuttered. “Why not?” He questioned. “They won’t let me.” I answered. “Who?” “I think I’ve already said too much…” I shivered. “Well, Ryan, I’ll see you at school tomorrow!” Felix said waving to me as he ran back to his house, whch wasn’t actually that far away from mine. My lips twitched, almost forming a smile. “Maybe we’ll be friends?” I thought. The next day as I came to school Felix ran up to me. “Hi Ryan!” He smiled the same bright smile from the day before. “Wanna hang out with me at recess?” He asked. “O-okay!” I smiled, happily, knowing that we’d defiantly be friends.

_‘We grew closer…’_

“So Ryan, want to hang out with me at lunch too?” He questioned after the bell rang, signifying that recess was over. “Sure!” I said. “Okay! Meet me at the swing set!” He said heading back to his classroom. I walked back into my class, smiling. That had been the best recess _ever_ for me. I finally made a friend. After class I grabbed my lunch from my bag and headed outside, I had forgotten something though. “Hey dweeb!” I stopped mid-step. “Oh no… please no…” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes already. “Look at me when I’m talking to you!” The guy demanded. When I refused to turn he punched me in the shoulder then kicked my leg, my bad leg. I winced and toppled over. They guy grabbed the collar of my shirt and held me above him. “This is for-” “Hey!” I heard someone scream, interrupting him. “What do you think you’re doing?” I turned to see Felix standing there. I wanted to yell at Felix to just run away but apparently my voice wasn’t working at the time. The guy dropped me and faced Felix. “Don’t hurt my friend!” Felix screamed. The guy smirked. “And what are you going to do about it, whimp?” He asked. Felix ran forward, swiftly, and punched the guy straight in the gut. The guy’s eyes widened as he toppled over, tears falling down his face. Felix ran over to me. “Ryan! Are you okay?” He knelt down, inspecting my wounds. “Y-yeah I’m f-fine…” I heard a fire truck and an ambulance or two coming down the street. I guess one of the kids told a teacher. Or maybe a teacher saw it happen. They sent me to the hospital. I was okay other than a sprained ankle, a couple of bruises, and some scratches. Felix was with me the entire time, cheering me up. When I got to school the next day I heard the other kid got expelled. Luckily, because of Felix none of the other kids even _tried_ to threaten me, laugh at me, or beat me up. “Thank you Felix…” I whispered under my breath.

 

_‘And closer…’_

“Hey Cry!” Felix yelled. We had made nicknames for each other. “Hi Pewds!” “Isn’t it great that we’re going to the same middle school?” He asked as we walked into the giant school. I was actually a bit nervous, though I knew that Felix would have my back. Felix and I turned out being in the same class. “Yes!” Felix and I cheered as we found out.  We hung out _all_ the time _._ Felix ran up to me one day. “Cry! I met this kid. His name’s Ken! Wanna hang out with us at recess?” He sounded excited. I smiled and nodded. “Sure Pewds! That sound great!” Pewds and Ken became close to best friends and though I hung out with him, we weren’t really that close.

_‘And soon enough…’_

Felix and I were wrestling on the couch downstairs at his place. I heard one of his dogs barking and turned my head. While I was distracted he pinned me down. “Ha! Gotcha Cry!” He said, still having me pinned down below him. I blushed, looking at the position we were in. Wait, _blushed_? I hadn’t realized that Felix had let me up until I heard him yell “Yes! I am victorious!” I smiled, I liked the sound of Felix’s voice. I liked all of Felix. His voice, his hair, his personality, his eyes… Oh no… _God_ no…

 

_‘I found myself falling in love with my best friend…’_

I was sitting on my bed in my room, thinking. “I can’t have a crush on Pewds!” I whispered. “He’s my best friend!” _You can…_ A voice inside me said. “I won’t!” _You already do…_ It told me. I frowned. “Why couldn’t I just fall in love with some hot chick instead of my _best friend_?” I banged the front of my head lightly on my wall. “Ugh. Why does life have to be so difficult?”

_‘I thought you’d tell me I was weird and disgusting, leaving me, if I were to tell you…’_

“P-Pewds… I have something to tell you…” I said to my friend who I was currently walking home with. “Yeah Cry?” I thought about it for a moment, not wanting to say it. _Do it…_ A voice in my head tempted. “I’m in love with you...” I mumbled out. "What was that, Cry?" Felix asked, apparently not hearing me. "I'm... I'm in love with you, okay?! I have been for a while and-" I cut myself off after realizing that Felix had stopped walking and looked down. “P-Pewds? I’ sorry-” “Shut up.” He said, glaring at me. “I’m-” “I said shut up!” He screamed. “I can’t be friends with someone _gay_ like you.” He spat out the word venomously and turned away from me. “Wait Pewds!” I reached out to him. “Don’t touch me!” He screamed. I pulled my arm away, rapidly. “I don’t want to see you again, and call me _Felix_ from now on, _Ryan_.” He said as he ran away from me. “Pewds…” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes. I jolted up out of my bed breathing heavily and sweat clinging to my forehead. I sighed, it was just another nightmare. They had happened almost every night since I realized that I liked Pewds which was about 3 months ago. Each one was different from the rest. But they all were things that kept me from telling Pewds.

_‘So I kept it a secret for years…’_

“Hey Cry! Have you seen any girls that you want to date?” Felix came up to me. “U-umm no, not yet.” I told him. It wasn’t completely a lie, Felix wasn’t a girl… “Well, I saw this girl who seems really sweet! Her name’s Marzia!” He smiled and blushed. “I think I might ask her out!” “O-oh… Cool.” I felt like crying at that point. The ball rang. “See you in class, Cry!” He smiled and waved to me as he ran down the hall to his locker. “Bye…”

_‘Until you came up to me one day…’_

 

“Oh my god, Cry!” He had a giant smile on his face. “I asked Marzia out! She said yes!” I faked a smile for him. “T-that’s great, Pewds!” I felt tears welling up in my eyes and my breathing get heavier. “We’re going out tonight!” I felt a tear roll down my cheek. “That’s awesome…” “Are you okay, Cry? You’re crying…” I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. I’m just so happy that she said yes to you!” I replied quickly. Felix smiled, not noticing the lie. “Well, I’ll call you after my date!” Felix called to me as he walked over to a girl with long, wavy, brown hair. I could see why Felix loved her so much, she was beautiful, kind, and smart. I was no match for her. Felix would never love me…

 

_‘I hardly ever saw you after that day…’_

“Hey, Pewds!” I called my friend over. “Want to hang out after school today?” I asked him. “Oh, sorry, Cry. I promised Marzia that I’d help her study for the test after school.” He smiled apologetically. “Oh… That’s fine… Maybe some other time?” I said. “Yeah, see you later!” He said to me, walking away. Felix never hung out with me anymore… He was always with _her._ I hardly even talked to him anymore! He always had some excuse like: “Sorry, Marzia and I are going on a date!” or “Sorry, I’m going to Marzia’s house today!” it was all Marzia, Marzia, Marzia. What about me? Your _best friend_ for _4 years_? I was burning with jealousy, anger, and sadness on the inside but didn’t show it. What about _me_ , Felix? Was I nothing to you now?

 

_‘I became depressed…’_

I came home, miserable as usual, and slumped upstairs. I flopped onto my bed and sighed. Most people would ask me why I was so miserable. Well, not having any friends and knowing that the person you have a crush on loves someone else wouldn’t really make someone very happy. I grabbed my phone and tried to call Felix, though I knew he’d be busy. Though there was something that surprised me. It only rang _once_ before going to voicemail instead of the usual three times. He actually rejected my call! I mean, at least he could have picked it up and said he was busy or just leave it ringing and _pretend_ to be busy! I’d understand if he were trying to sleep or something but I doubt he’d be asleep at three-thirty pm. I put my phone aside and laid down on my bed. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. My best friend was ignoring me. Did… Did I do something wrong?

 

_‘One day I just snapped…’_

It had been a year or two that Felix and Marzia had been together for. I still had feelings for Felix yet hadn’t told him. I felt like the feelings were actually growing stronger every day rather than fading like I had hoped they would. Felix had started talking to me a bit more than he had a while ago. I was happy about that, but my depression was still there. I didn’t want to worry Felix so I kept it from him. So many secrets to keep… I heard my phone ring and quickly checked who it was. It was Felix. I answered the call and held the phone up to my ear. “Hello?” “Cry, I have to tell you something amazing!” The blonde practically screamed. “What is it?” I asked. “I asked Marzia to marry me!” He told me excitedly. I nearly dropped my phone. “She said yes! We’re getting married in a few months!” “That’s… p-perfect.” I said, softly, not wanting him to hear my voice crack. “We’re definitely inviting you to the wedding and-” I hung up the phone, I didn’t want to hear any more. At first I was sad, depressed but then all I felt was anger. I threw my phone at the wall and heard a loud crack. It was completely broken. I grabbed my notebook and pen and wrote a note for someone in case they came looking for me, not that many people would. Then, I got up and ran, ran away from my worries, ran away from the pain, ran away from everything. I didn’t mean to go anywhere specific and just let my legs take me away. I don’t know how long I ran or where I was but I was out of breath. I looked around myself. A long bridge stood in front of me and I was on a cliff. I remembered this place… Pewds and I used to come here before he met Marzia… When it had just been the two of us…

 

_‘I didn’t know…’_

 

 _Why did my legs bring me up here?_ I wondered, sitting down, my back leaning against a large rock. I felt a tear roll down my cheek followed by many more. I cried and cried until I ran out of tears, until my choked sobs became completely silent. I felt dead on the inside. Completely lifeless, my eyes dull, almost all the colour had escaped them. I stood up and walked to the edge of the cliff, debating in my mind whether I should jump or not. Before I could do anything more, my foot stepped on a loose rock, sending me falling into the deep nothingness. I couldn’t even scream for help. _My death has come… Thank you for being with me until now, Pewds… Thank you for being my friend even though I wanted more… If I could relive this life, I wouldn’t wish for any other person to be my friend…_

_‘I’m sorry… sorry for the secrets, sorry for not telling you, sorry for loving you…’_

The line went dead. “Cry? Cry, are you still there?” I asked, wondering what had happened. _His phone probably died… He’ll call me back later…_ A few hours later I had still gotten no call back so I decided to call him instead. It rang a few times before going to voicemail. Now I was starting to get worried. “Marzia!” I called. “I’m just heading over to Cry’s house!” “Okay! Be back soon!” My fiancée called back to me. I hopped into my car and drove over. The ride was only a few minutes long. I got out of my car and walked up to the doorstep. “Cry?” I yelled as I knocked on the wooden door. No answer. “Cry?!” I yelled a little louder. Still no answer. Now I was really worried for my friend. _He could be out somewhere… But where would he go? He doesn’t really have anywhere to go…_ I tried turning the doorknob and surprisingly it opened. _Would he really leave the door unlocked if he were heading out somewhere?_ “Cry?” I called, maybe he just hadn’t heard me because he had headphones in or something. I had searched almost everywhere in his house, the living room, kitchen, bathroom, basement… The only place left was upstairs in his room. I creaked the door open. “C-Cry? Are you in here?” I asked, before noticing something very abnormal. His phone smashed on the ground near his wall. My eyes widened. _Why would he do this? Maybe… Maybe there was a break-in… Maybe Cry was kidnapped!_ I was scared of the thought that my friend may have been taken. I don’t know why but for some reason my brain decided to walk me over to his side table where a piece of paper was placed, covered in messy writing. After reading it, I began to unconsciously cry. Tears flowing down my face. “Cry… Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me any of this? I could have helped… I could have stopped this from happening…” I wept. _Maybe it’s not too late. I have to find him._ For some reason my instinct took over and I began running. Out the door, across the street, and through a thick forest. I had no idea where I was heading but my instinct seemed to know what was going on. By the time I stopped running I was out of breath and felt like collapsing onto the grass and taking a break but I _had_ to find Cry. Looking around I realized that I knew this place, it was a cliff that Cry and I used to come to. At the edge of the cliff I saw something, or rather someone standing. It took a moment for my brain to process who it was and by then, it was too late. The figure mistook a step and beneath them the rock crumbled and fell, along with him. “CRY!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, running over to the edge. “No! No! NO! This can’t be happening.” I felt my knees buckle as I dropped onto the ground, my face in my hands, weeping. “Why? Cry…” “ _Pewds…”_ I thought I heard someone say. I looked up, eyes red from crying. “Cry?” I asked, looking up to the sky. I knew it was just my imagination. After crying my eyes out, I walked back to Cry’s place, getting into my car. I was about to leave before I remembered something. _The note…_ I walked back into Cry’s house and grabbed the note before walking back out. I didn’t want to be in his place for longer than needed. I knew it would just get me even more upset about it. _Cry… I’ll never forget you…_

 

Epilogue:

A young man walks through a gloomy place, a cemetery to be exact. He holds flowers in one of his hands and has a monotone expression. This man, who used to be cheerful day in and day out, was now monotone all day, every day. You barely saw him smile since what happened. He arrives at a small tombstone with a few flowers surrounding it. “Hey, Cry. How’s it going up there?” The man asked, sitting down in front of the grave and setting down the bright flowers. “It hasn’t been very good with me down here. Marzia got a divorce with me... She said it would be better for both of us but I doubt that. Nothing good has happened to me since you left. The divorce, losing my job, and most of all, not being able to see you anymore.” He said, a slight frown appearing on his face. “I decided to bring this. I know it’s probably worth nothing to you but it’s everything to me right now so I wanted to keep it here.” The man dug through his pocket, finally finding a folded up, tear-stained, paper. He unfolded it and placed it on the grave. It read:

_Dear Pewds, if you’re reading this I’d just like to say thank you. Thank you for being my friend, thank you for everything. I’m sorry for all these secrets I’ve kept from you. First of all, I’m depressed, or was depressed depending on how quickly you found this note and if you ended up finding me in time. I tried to hide it from you as best I could because I didn’t want you to worry about me. Second thing, I’m pansexual. Now you may be thinking “Oh so that’s why you never went out with any girls!” but that’s not the reason. Being pan just means you like anyone, matter their gender. The reason I didn’t date anyone leads to this last secret I kept from you. The third secret is… well… I love you. No, not as a friend but as a lover. Now I know you may call me weird, stupid, or gross but that’s fine. I expected it. I just hope you’ll forgive me. Goodbye, Pewds. I’ll miss you :)_

_-Cry_

“Cry… I miss you too… I love you.” I said looking up to the sky. I swear I heard a voice no louder than a whisper say “ _I love you too, Pewds.”_

_‘Pewds… Don’t you remember? **September?’**_


End file.
